choosing now.
when i first asked ![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
inoru_no_hoshi to marry me, it was half a joke, half a throw for the far future, some time when things were more stable or we had accomplished this or that or the other thing.
"if i'm very, very lucky, will you marry me some day?" some day.
the second time i asked them to marry me, i meant it. and it was complicated a few days, maybe a few weeks, as we navigated what our version of polyamory means for us and what would or wouldn't change if we actually got married. there was a bit of tension between myself and my metamour, as i reiterated to both him and to myself that asking them to be my fiancx and to marry me did not and does not in any way invalidate their relationship. on the contrary, being able to see their relationship brings me a great sense of compersion; being able to do things that validate it and enable them to have their own experiences even moreso. but marriage was still something that was for the future—
we wanted to go to las vegas (nevada), because it's a location that's easy enough for family members to be able to come and celebrate with us, yet far enough away that we felt like we would be able to make the experience stand out for us. plus, the cliché of it is funny to us.
then of course, the covid-19 pandemic happened, and where before they usually came out over-the-road with me for my job and rode along on the truck right up until the start of winter; and our world got smaller. i didn't want my fiancx to come on the road with me and be exposed to the virus at countless shippers and numerous truck stops while so many other truck drivers were behaving with what i saw as recklessness in light of the risks. with all of that went the chances of having the wedding we had envisioned, so instead we figured that we would have our wedding and get married, legally, after.
doing it after the pandemic would leave us plenty of time to plan. we envisioned at first that it would perhaps happen in the spring of next year. or maybe closer to summer. i'll be the first to admit that I tried very hard to cling to optimism about what was yet to come.
since then, i left the job i was at. we moved back to california, both to be closer to my parents and because where we were in new mexico was a little too rural perhaps even for us. we repainted the guest house that my parents had originally built for my maternal grandparents in preparation for moving in. santa ana winds knocked over the catalpa tree in my parents' back yard and knocked out the power and the internet.
and moreover, we also know that there won't be a clear end to the pandemic now.
although las vegas (nevada) is less than a five hour drive from where we now live, any reality in which we would get to take a vacation and go up there and get married feels impossibly far away.
the most recent time, and by recent i mean recent-recent i asked my fiancx to marry me was in our chat window over messenger. their response was, "lmao when?"
at which point, i responded with, "this weekend or next week?"
because when it comes down to it, i love them, and i don't want to keep waiting and pretending that at some point things will be normal again. (of course, things like benefits eligibility figures into the equation as well.)
so we booked an appointment at one of the same-day wedding parlours around here for this coming friday, at which point we will make official our legal entanglement with each other.
safely masked and socially distanced from the officiant, of course.
i jokingly in some various text messages referred to it as completing our legal entanglement and have kept doing so because it's funny. and while yes, there is meaning and such attached to it, we're having a small and simple civil ceremony for the primary purposes of said legal entanglement. i don't expect much else to change. i've loved them since we first met, when the same evening as i had picked them up to come over-the-road with me for the summer, we wandered through a store, giggling, hand in hand.
this? is just putting that on paper.
inoru_no_hoshi to marry me, it was half a joke, half a throw for the far future, some time when things were more stable or we had accomplished this or that or the other thing."if i'm very, very lucky, will you marry me some day?" some day.
the second time i asked them to marry me, i meant it. and it was complicated a few days, maybe a few weeks, as we navigated what our version of polyamory means for us and what would or wouldn't change if we actually got married. there was a bit of tension between myself and my metamour, as i reiterated to both him and to myself that asking them to be my fiancx and to marry me did not and does not in any way invalidate their relationship. on the contrary, being able to see their relationship brings me a great sense of compersion; being able to do things that validate it and enable them to have their own experiences even moreso. but marriage was still something that was for the future—
we wanted to go to las vegas (nevada), because it's a location that's easy enough for family members to be able to come and celebrate with us, yet far enough away that we felt like we would be able to make the experience stand out for us. plus, the cliché of it is funny to us.
then of course, the covid-19 pandemic happened, and where before they usually came out over-the-road with me for my job and rode along on the truck right up until the start of winter; and our world got smaller. i didn't want my fiancx to come on the road with me and be exposed to the virus at countless shippers and numerous truck stops while so many other truck drivers were behaving with what i saw as recklessness in light of the risks. with all of that went the chances of having the wedding we had envisioned, so instead we figured that we would have our wedding and get married, legally, after.
doing it after the pandemic would leave us plenty of time to plan. we envisioned at first that it would perhaps happen in the spring of next year. or maybe closer to summer. i'll be the first to admit that I tried very hard to cling to optimism about what was yet to come.
since then, i left the job i was at. we moved back to california, both to be closer to my parents and because where we were in new mexico was a little too rural perhaps even for us. we repainted the guest house that my parents had originally built for my maternal grandparents in preparation for moving in. santa ana winds knocked over the catalpa tree in my parents' back yard and knocked out the power and the internet.
and moreover, we also know that there won't be a clear end to the pandemic now.
although las vegas (nevada) is less than a five hour drive from where we now live, any reality in which we would get to take a vacation and go up there and get married feels impossibly far away.
the most recent time, and by recent i mean recent-recent i asked my fiancx to marry me was in our chat window over messenger. their response was, "lmao when?"
at which point, i responded with, "this weekend or next week?"
because when it comes down to it, i love them, and i don't want to keep waiting and pretending that at some point things will be normal again. (of course, things like benefits eligibility figures into the equation as well.)
so we booked an appointment at one of the same-day wedding parlours around here for this coming friday, at which point we will make official our legal entanglement with each other.
safely masked and socially distanced from the officiant, of course.
i jokingly in some various text messages referred to it as completing our legal entanglement and have kept doing so because it's funny. and while yes, there is meaning and such attached to it, we're having a small and simple civil ceremony for the primary purposes of said legal entanglement. i don't expect much else to change. i've loved them since we first met, when the same evening as i had picked them up to come over-the-road with me for the summer, we wandered through a store, giggling, hand in hand.
this? is just putting that on paper.