practicum, someday.

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 01:08:25 GMT

so, something that never really comes up because it's the internet and it's irrelevant in text-driven spaces is that i'm actually (these days) fairly mute. some folks here knew me when i was younger and during some periods where i was actually fairly prolifically verbal. unfortunately those days are long gone and i have no idea how i would get back to that sort of a space. especially because on some level this is supposedly mental health related, but i'm at the best point mental health-wise of my entire life; i'm on meds that work, i have a happy relationship in which i'm the luckiest man on earth, i have a friend who stays with us and has picked up the ihss work that needs done without being asked and we're in the process of her getting the ihss stuff officially so that she can get paid for it.

i have some speech ability left comparatively with what i used to have, but it's expensive and takes a lot out of me, and only works accurately in emergencies. the rest of the time i might as well just not have any speech ability for the amount that it takes me to get it to work. i do fine without it and don't even really miss what i don't have, most of the time. i can still speak some home, i can sometimes speak during appointments, and when i can't that's what aac is for and i have a fairly robust aac set-up now, although remind me some time to whine about why i cannot get the dedicated device that would be literally the actual perfect fit for me in terms of all of that.

but all of that starts to fall apart trying to find somewhere to do the internship part of the addiction studies program, and that's a necessary part of the program towards graduation with the degree, even if i don't go on to use it and just use it as an associate degree towards the greater long-term goal of getting my msw.

how am i going to be able to intern, and do an actual interaction with other people; honestly i have no actual clue.

starting a conversation with my addiction studies 1 professor, so i emailed him with a brief historical run-down of my muteness and culmination in the best of my knowledge current state of things, and will see what questions he has that he mentioned having in the discussion that we were having on canvas (where he asked me to take that particular sub-conversation to email so that it can be its own entire thread that he can pin so he doesn't lose track of it; which in and of itself makes me feel very heard and validated, which is huge in a world which seems to always just be pushing me to speak in ways that are deleterious to my long-term well-being). i hope that by having this conversation now means we'll be able to have and have set up an internship where i can do both practicum classes by the fall semester.

of course the three places where i have some connection to don't have opportunities.

kaiser, where i first did addiction treatment soon after i got clean, doesn't utilise rad-t level providers at all.

the rehab where i volunteered for my jewish studies internship and continued to volunteer until they changed the programming in such a way that volunteers were no longer having any interaction with groups doesn't have anything for outside interns. all their internship opportunities are for people who are in their program, which is fair, but sucks because that's a place where i actually still retain a lot of speech; not to mention the part where i miss volunteering there and feel a little hurt that the person who was my supervisor when i was volunteering never took the time after the change to call me and talk about other things i could possibly do even though we made and set a time for a phone call at least three deliberate times, where i cleared and then he never called.

and my treatment center also only uses rad-t level personnel from their own internal training program, too, and for that they require that someone have been separated from the treatment program for at least six months, which i'm going to be remaining in treatment forever, because some level of enrollment and participation in treatment programs is a requirement of the medication-assisted treatment program; i plan on remaining on mat for a long time and have no intention of stopping sublocade (a depot injection of the same medication that's in suboxone, which is also responsible for me having anything remotely similar to a quality of life given all the medical complications that i have with my disability as it currently stands).

so it will be interesting to see what the questions are and where this goes.

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macchiatos, the sun & other lies I've told

practicum, someday.